Julie Kesti

01/29/2009

a personal note from juliePermalink

I hope you are all warm and well. I have a personal note to share with you as we continue into the new year.

My family just came through a very difficult December, after losing–suddenly, unexpectedly,–my dear nine-year-old nephew, Matthew. I am the youngest of 5 kids, and never had a younger sibling, so Matthew, being the oldest grandchild in our family, is the kid I’ve known and loved the longest. Though over a month has now passed since his death, it has not become any easier yet to believe or accept. . . I am sharing this with you not because I want to make you sad, or because I want you to feel sad for me (though I realize you may) but because I feel it is helpful that I share some of my experience.

I know we all will face unimaginable things, and I think it is valuable to be able to discuss the unimaginable things we encounter. Death is something we will all meet many, many times in our lives, and though we don’t often talk about it, that doesn’t mean it is not a helpful thing to do. It is important to be able to talk about those we have lost, in a fond and loving way, or even at times in a bewildered way. . .

Over this past month, I’ve experienced strongly the ways that emotions and physical sensations come together. Grief has had a very strong physical feeling. A lot of the literature about bodywork/massage addresses the ways emotions may be stored or expressed in our bodies, but I think this can be a very abstract concept until your are in it, feeling it acutely. I appreciate how bodywork can be such a healthy and helpful part of one’s routine–helping us work through or become aware of things we might not process or notice otherwise. I have been grateful this past month for the gift of bodywork from several friends and colleagues, including an recent reiki session, which was especially helpful.

Another big observation of these past months is simply the great opening of hearts and the kindnesses extended to me and my family. This was amazing to behold, and so meaningful when so many things did not feel right. People who’ve never met my nephew or my brother and his family have expressed a sense of caring and a willingness to extend their help in any way. People I know as acquaintances said kind things to me about the special role of being an aunt. . . These past weeks make me extra aware of our hearts, how important they are, how gentle and fragile and also strong. . . in time.

I hope that in this new year you take care of your heart and those around you. I hope you take care of yourself with things like bodywork and walks outside, and reading a lovely novel and spending time with people you love and doing things you enjoy.

Matthew was a prolific writer & reader and he also really enjoyed the things he enjoyed, with wonderful exuberance. So I’ll close with one of his poems, which just might be a good anthem for everyone this year:

Fun

Funny Jokes are fun to Say

Unfun things are boring

Natural to have fun

Wishing you health, good self-care, and good care from others in 2009,

with love,

julie

Memorials preferred to Library Foundation of Hennepin County for book purchases at Washburn Library. www.friendsofmpl.org/ support_memorial.html.

Pleaes read a book in Matthew’s memory.